Friday, March 31, 2006

A spike in traffic

Looking at the logs it seems that my little corner of the web became somewhat busy yesterday as a result of an article that ran in the Toronto Sun, by Alan Cairns. Apparently googling any combination of "Val Smith", Stern, Fans, Toronto Police or "crazy self involved harpy" throws my page pretty high on the google results page. Yay, time to dissect a media article and all the crazy quotes within.

"A Toronto anti-violence activist who slammed satellite radio shock jock Howard Stern wants criminal charges laid against Stern "fanatics" she says are harassing her."

Let us look at the voice that the "reporter" is already using in the first sentence of his article. He refers to Val as an "anti-violence activist" instead of the more correct, "free expression hating fascist". He also refers to Howard Stern with the derogatory term "shock jock" when he could have used the more correct "talk radio host". Excellent work in establishing right off the bat which side of the debate you are on sir, I'll bet you graduated right at the top of your J-School class.

"Val Smith wants Toronto Police to charge two local Stern fans amid fears she is in danger from "intimidation" and "threats" that followed her criticism of Stern on her website."

From reading that it sounds like she has a non-stop parade of Stern fans picketing outside her house and work, chasing her in cars, calling her at all hours of the day and night. In reality of course she has received a few emails, which she has posted on her website and none of which have been threatening in any way. Most have seemed to be downright pleasant in comparison to the personal insults that Val has flung on her website.

"Smith said Stern's views on women make her "skin crawl.""

Which specific views on women would that be Val? I've listened to hundreds of hours of Stern and never found him to be gender biased in any way. If anything he is more openly insulting towards men than he is towards women. Of course this is something you would never know Val, as you would never actually listen to the show so that you can have an informed debate on a topic you seem so passionate about.

"In a series of profane and vile chat entries on the American-based Stern Fan Network (SFN), one subscriber who lives north of Toronto encouraged Stern acolytes to not only "fight back" against Smith but also to look up her home phone number."

Profane and vile in whose opinion Mr. Cairns? Did you read the entire 30+ page thread or just one or 2 posts that Val provided to you? Did you even read that much or did you just take her word that was written was both "profane" and "vile". Do you have some particular problem with people "fighting back" against those who wish to usurp their rights?

"One agitated Stern fan from Peterborough, who Smith has since identified on her website, also threatened in an e-mail to post her address, e-mail address, social insurance number and car make and licence number on the SFN."

Odd, you'd think that if that was true Val would have posted that email to try and discredit the person instead of the one that she did post. Excellent work in casting the fan as "agitated" Mr. Cairns as opposed to say, pissed off that someone is trying to tell him what he can and can't choose to listen to in the privacy of his own home.

"In a complaint letter she sent to Toronto 43 Division Det. Peter Moreira late Tuesday, Smith argued that charges should be laid."

Hold on a sec, in Val's original post on this topic on March 5th, 2006 she said that she had already contacted the police in regards to this matter. Was she lying then or is she lying now? Where is the letter? A cursory examination of Val's website should make it abundantly clear that she has a tendency of posting copies of all of her complainants. Why not this time if such a complaint does exist?

"She fears violence not only against herself but also against other unrelated Valerie Smiths who may be targeted. "Is it necessary to wait until some Valerie Smith is attacked by these creeps before that happens?""

If someone was looking to do harm to the actual Val Smith I wouldn't think it would be that hard to find the correct one. She's the one who looks like she hasn't smiled in 20 years and has a giant stick protruding from her ass.


Thursday, March 30, 2006

Yay Internet.

There really is a website out there for every possible topic.


Friday, March 24, 2006


The lucky streak lasted long enough for me to get 18th place (333 people entered, a sellout) in today's poker tournament which was good for a pay day of $1401, split it in half and gave my Dad his half (+$1) for funding the days fun and I walked away $700 to the good for my 11 hours of playing. Not a bad result at all. I know no one actually reads my blog for the poker content so I'll spare the boring details and breaking down of individual hands but will just mention that I titled this post "fortuitous" because I got very lucky on 2 hands early in the tournament and without that luck I would have been out of the tournament before the supper break. After that though I settled down quite a bit and played well, I don't believe I made any real mistakes for the rest of the tournament. Even the hand I was eliminated on was a situation where the hand was good enough and I had few enough chips that I had to go all in, I just didn't get one more kiss from lady luck to keep me alive. I'm quite happy with the result, it was probably the most technically perfect tournament I've played in several months and I did outlast at least a dozen of the best poker players in the country.


Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Best movie of the year

Sometimes I find that I work myself into a tizzy anticipating a movie only to be completely let down by it, like Star Wars: Episode 1. Other times I'll walk into a movie sure that it will be craptacular only to be completely blown away by it, such as The Matrix. But every once in a blue moon a movie will come along that I can't stop chomping at the bit to see and when I do see it it is even better than I imagined. Tonight I saw one of those movies, V For Vendetta.

Based on the graphic novel written by Alan Moore and illustrated by David Lloyd the movie tells the tale of V a terrorist (or revolutionary depending on your perspective) railing against the oppressive regime in a not to distant future England. The movie is very allegorical to the times we live in. As governments around the world move to keep tighter restraints on their people one wonders how large a leap it really is to get to the point where the government controls all media, imposes strict curfews and imprisons or kills all dissidents.

I don't really want to spoil any parts of the movie for anyone, so please just take my word that it is a very well crafted and powerful cinematic vision. For me this is the current high water mark for the year and I'll be judging all other movies against it. It's unfortunate that sci-fi as a genre is so overlooked at the various awards ceremonies because this movie should have a pile of accolades coming it's way.

Oh and as an aside, this movie is still in it's first week of release and was the #1 movie at the box office last weekend, but still only had 2 commercials and 3 trailers in front of it, perhaps movie theatre operators are finally getting the message.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Do you ever see something that makes you go "What the fuck?"? Just sit there and stare at it for several minutes waiting for your brain to make sense of what your eyes are seeing? I give you just such an item...

Click if you dare.


Sunday, March 19, 2006

I think her head will explode soon

Our dear friend Val has been updating this page almost daily

"For my sin of opposing Howard Stern, XXX XXXXX called me the following on the Stern fan site which is a public forum (and I have these all saved to pdfs): "c**t, out of touch bitch, fucking nut, fucking kook, fucking crazy, fucking loony" and a "mentally impaired bitch"."

XXX is the person who posts on Stern Fan Network as Jakyll, just as a refresher, here is what Val originally had to say about him:

Jakyll is a computer geek who started his own business last year in a small city about an hour northeast of Toronto. He maintains his own vanity web site on which he posts pictures of himself. He looks more like a herd animal than a Jakyll, but everyone is entitled to their Walter Mitty fantasies."

Geez, I can't figure out why he would have less than favourable things to say about you Val, what with your kind and friendly demeanor towards him and all.

Some recent quotes from her and my take on them:

"Funding: I fund my own lobbying efforts and have for 15 years. I like it that way. It gives me independence. But, by all means, spend time trying to find the "agencies" that fund me. Maybe it'll keep you out of trouble."

Translation: Even the other kook organizations opposed to having a free and open society think that I'm too big of a kook to deal with.

"Howard News has emailed me three times wanting to talk to me about various issues (requests denied)."

Translation: I'm far to much of a coward to actually engage in a debate with anyone. I'll just sit here behind my computer posting on my site that doesn't allow people to respond, and ignoring any email that is sent my way from anyone who doesn't 100% share my opinion.

Now if this isn't enough to convince you that she is a special kinda crazy check this shit out here. She claims to have enlisted the aid of Jack Thompson to send a cease and desist order to the Stern Fan Network website. For those not in the know, Jack is essentially the American version of Val, except that he actually has a law degree and isn't a coward when it comes to being in the media. Getting back to our story however, Mutt, the owner of Stern Fan Network hasn't received any such letter. Gee Val, now you make idle threats and try and use someone with a well known name and huge media profile to back them up? Maybe you should have let Jack in on this little game of yours first so that he could have actually sent a letter. I'm sure he would have been glad to as he seems just as opposed to the First Amendment to the US Constitution as you are to Canada's Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Why don't you just let it drop Val? You basically already won. Howard Stern isn't available on the open airwaves where any impressionable youths might hear it. It's on a subscription based service that you need to have a credit card to purchase and the last I checked minors don't carry plastic. Let those of us who want to hear Howard, hear him. What exactly are you afraid of?



I am not by nature a lucky person, If I buy a ticket for some sort of draw I don't win a prize. I don't ever win more than $10 when I buy a lotto ticket. I generally hit every red light en route to wherever it is I'm going.

But this week things seem to be changing. My gaming club does a draw every few weeks where the winner gets some money to spend on a new game and for the first time in 4 years I won it this week. Then over supper on Friday I told my Dad that I wouldn't be able to play poker with him the next day (it's our father/son thing that we do every other week), and he told me that if he won the tournament he'd pay my entry into the $500 buy in tourney that the casino is hosting this coming week. Well sure enough he shows up at the bar he knew I'd be at on Saturday night and hands me $500 to play in the tournament this coming Friday. Neither me or my dad has made the final table of a tourney at the casino in a few months, but the week he promises me a good chunk of his prize money if he wins, he does in fact win. Everything is coming up Jason and I'm feeling good about my chances for the tourney on Friday because it's hard to beat someone who is both good at a game and has a little luck on their side.


Friday, March 17, 2006

A fool and their money...

Why on earth would anyone pay money to see this?


Wednesday, March 15, 2006


So after years of saying I was through with haircuts I decided I had had enough of my hair and chopped almost all of it off this morning (well not me personally, someone who does this sort of thing for a living did it for me). Combined with a fresh shave I now appear to be the world's largest 14 year old. It does seem like it should be easier to maintain now and my head feels quite a bit lighter (although that might be sleep deprivation). I think I need to take up boxing, just to weather my face a little so that I don't get asked for ID at the liquor store whenever I shave.


Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Ha ha III

I giggled maniacally when I read this one.


Saturday, March 11, 2006


Wednesday, March 08, 2006


n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies
  1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
  2. An act or instance of such falseness.

Our dear friend Val is such a kook. Here is her latest "News Release", I love how she uses that term like any actual publication is picking it up and running it.

These are my favourite bit's, first she says this:

"A is for act like a man. Don't hide behind a fake name to throw around insults and launch harassment campaigns. Have the courage to use your real name, and take responsibility for your actions. It's what grown ups do."

She then begins to fire off a bunch of info she had to have gotten from the profiles of 2 posters on Stern Fan Network even though the site administrator confirms that no one using her name or her published email address has signed up for an account there. That's quite the impressive set of cajones you got there Ms. Smith.

Next she says:

"C is also for crimes like criminal harassment and defamatory libel which are both illegal under the Criminal Code of Canada. Start harassment campaigns that make a person feel threatened and you could be charged, and once you are, your real name becomes public. Criminal harassment includes repeated emails, threatening or obscene email, live chat harassment called "flaming", leaving improper messages on message boards or in guest books, sending unsolicited email, repeated telephone calls. Defamatory libel is writing something that is designed to insult a person or likely to hurt that person's reputation by exposing her to hatred, contempt or ridicule. "

And follows that up with:

"Jakyll is a computer geek who started his own business last year in a small city about an hour northeast of Toronto. He maintains his own vanity web site on which he posts pictures of himself. He looks more like a herd animal than a Jakyll, but everyone is entitled to their Walter Mitty fantasies."

Ya, that's not too insulting. People in Glass houses Valerie, People in Glass houses...

She has also apparently filed a complaint with the Toronto police because of all the bad things people are saying about her on the Stern Fan Network. WAAAAHHHHHH People don't like me. WAAAAHHHHHHHH, baby want a soother?


Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Oscar Talk

I only got to see half an hour of the show before I had to go to work, so there won't be a lot of discussion about the show itself.

First up, some fashion talk.

Every article I read about Oscar fashion this year has Jessica Alba listed as one of the best dressed but I just don't get it.

Jessica is without a doubt one of the most attractive people on the planet, but that dress does absolutely nothing for her. Granted it isn't nearly as bad as this disaster:

How do designers talk beautiful women into wearing ugly ugly clothes? How do designers stay in business when they make crap that looks like that?

My Best dressed award goes to these guys, they really know how to rock a tux:

Ok on to some awards. I'll start where they started on the show, Best Supporting Actor. I saw exactly none of the movies these actors were featured in. George Clooney won, but in my opinion there should be a law that he can never win any acting award as long as there are still copies of Batman and Robin in existence. This category gave us our first indication as to how well the hype machine behind Brokeback Mountain will do.

On to Best Supporting Actress, not only did I not see any of these movies, I hadn't even heard of 2 of them before the nominations came out. Rachel Weisz won for The Constant Gardener, which I assumed was some sort of chick flick about raising flowers but is apparently a story of big business, greed and corruption, geez I have no idea why no one went and saw it with that crappy title. I'm sure Rachel was excellent in it. Brokeback loses again, it's not looking good for Ennis and Jack.

Let's break up the tedium by tossing in an interesting category. Best Documentary went to March of the Penguins, a movie I've raved about in a previous post. If you haven't seen it, you should. Those little penguins are so cute, I want a pet penguin.

Animated Movie of the Year went to Wallace & Gromit. Any year Nick Park is nominated they should just skip the voting and give him the award, his work is visionary, engrossing and always entertaining. Oh and memo to the academy, please stop nominating crappy Anime movies for awards, it only encourages the Japanese to ship another boatload of the crap over here.

As per usual the technical awards went to the movies that the average person had actually seen. King Kong won multiple awards while the viewers at home either took a bathroom break or wondered aloud what the difference was between Achievement in Sound and Achievement in Sound Editing.

On we go to Best Actress, shockingly I have not seen any of these movies either (I honestly do watch a ton of movies, apparently nothing good though). The award went to Reese Witherspoon, who is without a doubt the greatest actress working today, she has managed to convince directors and casting agents the world over that she deserves 20+ million dollar paydays. If that act doesn't deserve an award I don't know what does.

Best Actor went to Phillip Seymour Hoffman, in a movie I also haven't seen. I have seen him in several other movies however and he's always amazing. I wonder if Terrence Howard even bothered to write an acceptance speech. Still no love for the poofter cowboy flick.

Best director went to Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain, I had actually seen one movie in this category, Steven Spielberg's Munich, a superbly crafted tale examining the cyclical violence in the middle east and why it will never end. Of course it's no tale of forbidden love on the Ponderosa....

And that brings us to Best Picture of the Year, which was won by Brokeback Mountain...Oh wait, it didn't win? I thought it couldn't lose? Some movie I haven't seen by Canadian writer/director Paul Haggis won? Cool, I'll have to watch that this weekend.



A sentence that I could have never guessed that I would read today is this:

"You caught me Alan, I tried to fuck your sheep."

At the point where you find yourself trying to rape your neighbour's sheep, perhaps it would be a good idea to step back and contemplate exactly where your life went completely wrong.



The 2nd annual myspace stupid haircut awards.

All of a sudden my hair seems perfectly normal. For those of you who haven't met me, my hair isn't arranged in any bizarre style, it's just a couple of feet longer than anyone else's in my office.



Friday, March 03, 2006

Ha ha pt. 2

I can't come up with an intro worthy of this clip, just watch it.

Diet Pills