Thursday, September 28, 2006

Ask Jason Anything VI: Answers

Not much in the mailbag this week.

Gwenhwyfar writes:
Why do I sneeze every time I get a headache?
Because you are some sort of freak. Seek employment in a sideshow somewhere. Also, you own cats, that probably has something to do with it as well.

Well that's it for this week, you guys didn't make it very hard on me this time around. Maybe next week people will be curious about more things.


Wednesday, September 27, 2006


Had to go out and buy myself a new gadget today. I get a lot of use out my MP3 players working 12 hour night shifts and I really liked my iPod Shuffle because it was near indestructible and had enough battery life to last the night. The thing it didn't have though that drove me nuts was a jog wheel and far to often I'd accidentally hit the skip button halfway through an hour long or more podcast. So I cracked open the piggy bank and sprang for this cool as hell new 2nd generation iPod Nano. Playing with it for the last hour or so, it's shaping up to be a pretty cool toy. I'll give a better review after I've played with it for a week or so.


Some humpday stress relief

Let me know if you beat my high score of 1056.



Still time...

There is still time to get in your questions for this weeks edition of Ask Jason Anything.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Always read the warnings carefully...


Monday, September 25, 2006

Some funny for your Monday.

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.

The boy walked into the back room and said, "there is some asshole out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "you almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, "Canada. sir."

"Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager.

The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."

"My wife is from Canada!!" said the manager.

The boy replied, "Really? What team did she play for?"


Ask Jason Anything: VI

That's right, it's time for the 6th installment of our regular Monday feature at Jason's Incredibly Lame Blog, Ask Jason Anything. So fire away with whatever questions you've been searching for answers to and I'll do my best to fill in the blanks for you. As always the answer will be posted on Thursday.


Sunday, September 24, 2006

Here we go again...

Despite what I think was a very generous offer from Sludge to put an end to the feud between the Stern Fan Network and Val, Val has put up a new abridged version of her Stern Fans are Evil page, It's as biased as it ever was, just a quicker read now. I guess her very important guest was done using her page for research into how video games are turning children into soulless killing machines.

She ends the post with this line, "At the moment, however, I'm pretty much finished with these bozos." If that's the case then why wouldn't you simply take Sludge up on his offer, drop the page and your campaign against Howard Stern entirely, and raise some money for cause you claim to champion? Is your ego such that you can't admit you were wrong even if it will help out people in need?


Couch Potato

Joy, the new TV season is in full swing, finally some decent shows to watch again.

Here's a list of things new shows I'm going to try out:

  • Heroes (NBC, Mondays starting today) - A show about ordinary people who start to develop amazing abilities. It's got a pretty good chance of sucking, but I'll give it a few episodes to see if the writers can pull it off.
  • 30 Rock (NBC, Fridays starting Oct. 11) - Behind the scenes of a sketch comedy show written by and starring the always sharp and witty Tina Fey, who knows a thing or two about the goings on at a sketch comedy show.
  • Shark (CBS, Thursdays starting last week) - I'll have to grab a copy of the first episode off the Internet and give it a try. I'm a sucker for lawyer dramas and CBS must think pretty highly of the show to give it the time slot right after CSI.

And that's about it from the crop of new shows. Everything else looks pretty bland, but that's pretty much par for the course, not many shows get through an entire first season without being cancelled or completely reworked these days.


Some movie advice

Get away from your computer and go see Little Miss Sunshine right now. Yes, I'm talking to you. I mean it. Stop reading this and go. Why are you still reading this? Go. Now.


Friday, September 22, 2006

They Hang Elephants, Don't They?



Diet Update

Weighed myself again this morning and I'm down to 297.5. Go me!


Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Ask Jason Anything 5: Answers

Here we go with this weeks answers. Thanks for all the questions.

Gwenhwyfar writes:

Know anyone who'd want to have some make-up done and pictures taken?
I don't know anyone that would do that willingly, I can think of several people I would like to see tortured by you doing a life mask of them and such. Reid Would in fact make an excellent faced boy, and really it would only require about 20 minutes of make-up.
Who's your favourite super hero?
Spider-man, the flawed everyman who had great powers thrust upon him and used them to do good instead of the much easier and more tantalizing evil.
Where be yer burried treasure?
Garrrrrrrh, I can't be telling you that lass, now stay your tongue before I have you keel hauled.

Anonymous writes:
Why do daytime soaps suck so hard?
Because they are only watched by bored women who can't tell good story telling from a hole in the ground. This allows soap producers to hire any schmuck off the street and the cheaper they'll work the better.

Sludge writes:
Do you think Val will pay attention to you nowe that Macheson has deleted his blog entries about her?
I doubt that Val wants to enter into a battle of wits with me. It would be like Lennox Lewis boxing Mr. Rogers.
Do you think Val has harrier armpits than me?
I'm going to guess that she doesn't, but I've never seen either one of your armpits so I could be wrong.
Do you think Val's testicles stink?
Even the most annoying joyless woman doesn't have testicles so by default I'd guess she doesn't suffer from stinky balls.
Why do farts smell more/better in the shower?
A combination of the confined space and the heat of the shower water causing an updraft that pushes those wonderful aromas straight to your nose.

Holly writes:
Why does Darryn suck so hard?
I expect it has something to do with his parents giving him a girls name.
Why does it take so long for them to fill your prescription at the pharmacy?
Some ancient riddles are too hard for even the great Jason to answer.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
The noise the drummer from Def Leppard makes when he like something?


Time for a face lift

I decided to give the blog a face lift complete with some new toys. You'll note the tabs at the top of the page, they'll always show the 5 most frequently used labels on his blog and clicking on one will show all the posts with that label. Also I added "peek-a-boo" posts so that when I write an overly long rant it doesn't overwhelm your screen (You can check it out on the post below this one). Big thanks to Ramani at Hackosphere for coming up with so many cool hacks for Blogger Beta, keep it up. If you want to add some pizazz to your blog you should go check out his stuff. So what does everyone think of the new look?


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Some reviews...

I don't give my opinion on things enough, so every once in a while I'll just unload with my thoughts on various movies, TV shows, gadgets, services, whatever. These will not be in depth studies, I'll just let you know what my thoughts are.

First up is the Oral-B Hummingbird. I'm loving this little gadget. Basically it's tooth flossing device that massages your gums as you floss. It works great and my gums have never been so healthy. The real test will be to see what my dental hygienist has to say in November when I have my next appointment but I'm sure it will be one of the best and quickest trips to the dentist I've had in years.

I watched the first 5 episodes of the second season of Weeds the other night and it is without a doubt the smartest comedy on television. The story of Nancy the pot dealing soccer mom is really hitting it's stride in it's Sophomore season. Every episode adds more layers to the story and keeps you wanting more.

The new Outkast album Idlewild is amazing. A complete departure from anything that they have done before, it borrows heavily from 30's style jazz and blues with a healthy dose of 70's R&B and funk. It's one of a very few albums put out in recent years that I listen to all the way through every time I play it. I can't even pick a favourite song because the entire disc is just that solid.


Darrrrrh, It be the bestest holiday of the year today mateys.


Monday, September 18, 2006

Ask Jason Anything 5

That's right kids it's time for another round of Ask Jason Anything. Feel free to ask whatever you'd like and I'll attempt to answer your questions as well (or as funny) as possible. As always answers on Thursday.


Sunday, September 17, 2006

She doesn't just hate Howard

I've been somewhat one dimensional in my bickering with Kooky Val and some who haven't read her site might believe her to just be against Howard Stern, a somewhat reasonable position, as I understand that his brand of humour isn't for everyone. That doesn't make it right to take that humour away from those who do like it, but I can understand the position. On the contrary however there are many things she doesn't like. Rap music for instance. She has campaigned to prevent tens of thousands of paying fans from seeing acts such as Eminem or 50 Cent perform, and has also tried to persuade major record stores from carrying Rap. She has an entire page on her site dedicated to "music" but the only thing she fights against is rap. There is a lot of Metal and Punk out there that carry a much more racist and violent message, but she doesn't seem to care about that. She filed a complaint with the police about Bell Express-Vu showing pornographic movies on Pay-Per-View. That's right she thinks that she has the right to dictate what content adults can watch in their own homes. She also has a bug up her ass about violent Video games and this weekend unveiled her latest page on the subject, a collection of media clippings about the Dawson College shooter, Kimveer Gill. Of course she put the article that she is quoted in at the top of the list. The writer Mike Strobel of the Toronto Sun seems to have a somewhat irritating writing style where one sentence equals one paragraph, but I'll quote the relevant passage anyway:
I call Valerie Smith, 54, a neighbour of mine in Scarborough.

Where we live is bounded, roughly, by the Galloway Boys, the Markham-Eglinton Crew and the Versace Boys.

The Montreal Massacre, the original in 1989, inspired her to become an anti-violence crusader. (See

In '89, the deadliest video game was Pong, but that's sure changed, eh Val? Now, 401 video games are rated M for blood 'n guts. (Like that'll stop any kid who wants one.)

"The problem has exploded," says Val.

"As opposed to just fighting monsters, it's getting more and more personal. You get to kill people with all manner of instruments.

"And virtual reality is coming. What do you think will happen when some kid can immerse himself so totally he can't tell the difference between real life and fantasy?"
First up, Pong wasn't the most violent video game available in 1979 let alone 1989. Depending on the study up to 95% of Canadian teens report that they have access to video games with upwards of 80% owning at least one video game console of their own. So why aren't our streets crawling with homicidal maniacs? Why is it even possible for me to walk the 2 blocks to work without having to dodge gunfire? With so many of out children being corrupted you would think that our society would have devolved into a complete state of chaos by now. Hmmmmm...perhaps Video games and music aren't to blame. Maybe society should take a look for other factors. Anyone want to wager on how happy of a home life Kimveer Gill had? Anyone want to wager as to whether or not he had been abused physically or mentally? These would seem like far more likely triggers for someone to become a sociopathic killing machine than what games they play. But hey slapping "Video Game Killer" in 72 point print on the cover of your piece of shit tabloid newspaper helps sales.


Saturday, September 16, 2006

Diet Update

It's been a while since I posted about the diet. All is still going well, the only junk food I really get cravings for is pizza, but so far I've managed to resist them. I was frustrated that I hadn't lost so much as a single pound for 2 weeks after my last post, but this week I got on the scale and 5 pounds had mysteriously vanished since last week. For those of you keeping score at home that puts me down to 301 lbs.


Friday, September 15, 2006

A Moderate Victory

From her holy kookiness's site:

I have to take this page off line for a bit. We're having visitors tomorrow - a reporter is referencing this site in an article on video games - and I have to make it family friendly again. Can't risk people doing a search on the site and coming up with the Sterniacs obscene comments. The search engine seems to collect everything.

The Sterniacs can yammer away among themselves for awhile - that's pretty much all they do anyway - and this page will be back before they know it. If the spirit moves me in the meantime, I'll boil it down to a few paragraphs so people don't have to wade through so much to find information. I'm torn about including the obscene postings from the Stern Fan Network. They're useful to illustrate the ethics and mindset of the posters, particularly *** ***** and ***** *******, but I never liked having them on my site. I'll have to think about that.

In the meantime, I think the page has been cached by Google, so it might continue to turn up if people do an Internet search. I'm not sure how that works once the page has been taken off the host site. I'll check it out in a few days.

Valerie Smith
September 14, 2006

Yep, I'm declaring a limited victory for the fans of free speech in regards to Val's feud with the members of the Stern Fan Network. Looks to me like she doesn't want some reporter to see that the way she conducts business. I won't miss your jack booted, thought police-like ways. I do wish I knew which reporter would be silly enough to use your site as a reference tool though, I'd write a letter to his editor. Is it your obedient lapdog Alan Cairns again? Oh and Val, no one told you that you had to post all those comments on your site, if you aren't happy with them being there it's no one's fault but your own.


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Former teacher: Sex with pupil 'really bad choice'

I'll take headlines that make me say "Duh" for $1000, Alex.



Ask Jason Anything 4.5: Answers

Ok, Let's see what's in the mail bag this week.

gwenyfer writes:
Why does Selma Blair have to suck so bad? Why?! And why in the hell are they bringing her back to crap up the second Hellboy movie? Sweet Jesus, Why?!
The cause of both problems is Reese Witherspoon. Everything she comes into contact with somehow manages to turn to both shit and gold at the same time. Movie after movie with inane plot lines and horrible acting that somehow rake in money by the dump truck full. She seems to be able to infect co-stars now as well. Despite a complete lack of ability they continue to find work. And then inexplicably the movies don't tank and they get more's a vicious cycle. Look for Joaquin Phoenix to star in Teletubbies: The Movie sometime in 2009. It'll gross $784 million worldwide.

lucybfly writes:
What is the meaning of...death? :)
All stories need an ending. [=|:-P

raivyn writes:
Snorkel or avocado?
Snorkel, I fucking hate avocados. Even if I'm starving to death I'll eat the snorkel first.

two write hands writes:
How many times have you "left a penny" at the convenience store?
On the floor when I've exactly dropped one? Dozens. In the tray for the deadbeats who can't afford the extra 2 cents? Zero.

That's it for this week.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Seriously, She needs to get a life.

Good old Kooky Val has updated her Stern Fans page 6 days in a row now. Let's take a look at some of her new pearls of wisdom. Names have been redacted to protect the innocent victims of Val's campaign of hatred (oooooohh, how'd you like that spin move?)

September 8: Interesting thing I discovered today. A guy named ********* and Sludge have the same IP address. Hmmm... what are the odds they're not the same person. Oh, none! Stats are up for this page, but I think it's probably ******* checking in every five minutes to see if I've posted his mug shot along with Dumb and Dumber. Not yet, *******, but do stay tuned.
Uh oh, after only 6 months of investigation she has deduced sludge's real name, but what could she possibly do with that information?
****** ****** - come on down! The beauty of knowing Sludge's real identity is this: I can, should I feel it's necessary -- and the option is entirely mine -- apply for a peace bond to keep him away from me, file a private information (look it up), file a human rights complaint (a hate campaign using the Internet is right up their alley and they award damages), file a civil lawsuit, stuff like that. I did what you're supposed to do when harassed on the Internet, I reported it to the police. Unfortunately, as mentioned on the Industry Canada website, the police can do little about cyber bullying, which is another name for what ****** ********, ***** ********* and ****** ******* have been up to. However, there are other options once you know the identity of the bully. Thanks for sending me that email, ******. Absolutely brilliant.
Okie Dokie, I have my doubts about the court giving you a peace bond against someone who has never threatened you in any way nor ever been within 5KM of you either. File a human rights complaint? It isn't a hate crime to hate an individual person, but good luck with that. File a lawsuit? Good way to prove that you aren't an opponent of free speech, just sue anyone who voices a differing opinion.
And ******* ******, who, it turns out actually is a teacher, the Ontario Ministry of Education has policies on bullying which include cyber bullying. You really should look them up. Possibly, teachers are exempt, but I think that's entirely unlikely. Afterall, you're supposed to be setting an example
Wow, threatening the financial security of someone who disagrees with you. Can I get your mailing address? I'd like to send you a container of polish so you can put a nice shine on your jack boots.
September 9: Apparently, ****** ****** hasn't been reading the memos. Cyber bullying includes postings to chat groups, you know, like the one ****** ****** started about me back in February? Ringing any bells, ********? The one that contains what reporter Al Cairns called "a series of profane and vile chat entries" about me, the one that made me concerned enough about the content to report it to police, the one that contains comments the Attorney General calls "very disturbing"? You know, the chat group you've been posting to since it started on day one? Yeah, Acheson, that one.
Actually I believe that letter says "The types of comments you've received" not "The types of things people write about you on the Internet". But please feel free to point out any case law where someone has been convicted of cyber bullying for things posted to a publicly accessible forum.

September 12: I posted a comment to ****** ****** blog which he promptly deleted. Strange that, since he invited me to contact him directly, plus he's such a big defender of free speech. The nice thing is, he also deleted all his own postings about me. Gee, was it something I said?
I'm sad that your thug tactics do seem to have silenced a voice with a dissenting opinion to that of yours, but I can understand his not wanting to risk his teaching job in a fight with a kook. Teacher's these days are always under a microscope and school boards seem quick to dismiss one rather than deal with any static from the public. I hope you are proud of yourself.

September 13: ***** ******** is implying on his blog that I would hurt his little boy. Like I said, the Internet really brings out the stupid in people.
This from the person who voiced a concern in one of the largest circulating daily papers in the country that because of her views horrible things could happen to anyone with the misfortune of having the incredibly uncommon name Valerie Smith. Yep that Internet really does bring out the stupid.

Once again Val, maybe you should just let the whole thing drop. None of your high profile attempts at censoring speech, music or film have ever worked out in your favour. Eminem has played concerts in Canada. Rap music is still available at HMV. Hardcore pornography is still available on every cable and satellite system in the country and Howard Stern is still available legally in this great country. I suggest that you may want to retire and take up knitting but you'd probably end up making a bunch of one armed sweaters and 3 fingered gloves. You just can't ever seem to get anything right.


Bush to hold talks on Ali G creator after diplomatic row

US President George Bush is to host White House talks on British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen.

Cohen, 35, creator of Ali G, has infuriated the Kazakhstan government with his portrayal of Borat, a bumbling Kazakh TV presenter.

And now a movie of Borat's adventures in the US has caused a diplomatic incident.

Read Full Article

Gee, I'm glad Bush isn't wasting his time figuring out an exit strategy for Iraq or how to repair his incredibly poor approval rating. Yes clearly the thing the President of the United States should be most worried about is a character portrayed by a British comedian.

Update: The trailer for anyone who hasn't seen it...


Ain't it the truth: Part 2

Foxtrot by Bill Amend is so bang on some days it's scary.


Monday, September 11, 2006

Ask Jason Anything 4.5

I only got one question last week which I believe is due to Blogger Beta not liking comments from people with non-beta accounts. Remember if you'd like to leave a comment or question you can select "other" and enter your name and a link to your blog if you wish. You can also pose your questions anonymously. So fire away, I love sharing my knowledge. Check back on Thursday for answers. And yes Gwen I will answer your Selma Blair question this week.


Saturday, September 09, 2006



Ain't it the truth...

Click for full size, should be easier to read that way.


Friday, September 08, 2006

How Superman Should Have Ended


Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Stupid Blogger Beta. Yes, I am now aware that most of you can't post comments on my blog at the current time because you don't all have Blogger Beta accounts. Hopefully they fix this up sometime soon.

As a temporary work-around anonymous commenting still seems to work.


Monday, September 04, 2006

Ask Jason Anything IV

Yep it's that time of week again, time for another scintillating round of "Ask Jason Anything". So fire away with any questions you'd like answered. As always answers on Thursday.




Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Killed


Friday, September 01, 2006

I'm not dead yet

I'm not the guy in this article. A heartfelt thanks to those who were concerned.

Red Deer Advocate

Can't seem to link directly to the article...

Tasered Man Dies

Advocate staff

Aug 31 2006

An autopsy will be performed today on a man who had been in a coma since a violent arrest in Red Deer on Aug. 10.

Red Deer RCMP Supt. Brian Simpson confirmed late Wednesday afternoon that Jason Doan, 28, died earlier in the day.

Police used a Taser to subdue a suspect after responding to reports that a man was using a pitchfork to smash vehicles parked along Overdown Drive.

Cpl. Sandy Andrews, a media liaison officer for the City RCMP, confirmed shortly after the incident that police used the Taser — an electric stun gun that causes temporary paralysis — to “assist in apprehending the suspect.”

Andrews indicated at the time that the suspect resisted arrest and an altercation ensued, during which a police officer and a citizen were both injured.

Doan collapsed at the scene and eyewitness said they saw fire-medics administering CPR before the ambulance took him away.

Days after the arrest, police declined to shed further light on what had happened at the scene, confirming only that officers hit Doan three times with the Taser.

Police did not say whether Doan suffered other injuries during the arrest or if he had a pre-existing condition that may have led to his collapse.

Simpson later said the RCMP view Tasers — Taser International’s trademark name for a conducted energy weapon — as a safe use of force that poses less risk than other forms of control, such as firearms.

Simpson said that he knows of no incident where a Taser has been directly linked to the death of a suspect.

Amnesty International, however, reports that 14 people in Canada died after being Tasered between April 2003 and December 2005.

Tasers administer a shock of up to 50,000 volts.

In a brief statement issued late Wednesday, Andrews said Doan’s death is under investigation by the Alberta Medical Examiner and that the Calgary Police Service is reviewing the investigation.

Doan’s family has declined to speak about his death or the incidents leading up to it.