Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Some more views on the news.

New Orleans' new disaster plan: Get out of town

"Mayor Ray Nagin unveiled a new evacuation strategy for New Orleans on Tuesday that relies more on buses and trains and eliminates the Superdome and Convention Center as shelters."

That's an excellent plan. Here's how to make it better. Implement it now. Everyone take your insurance checks and go find a place to live that isn't below sea level in an area called Hurricane alley. Would you choose to live someplace called "Plague of Locusts Boulevard" or "Constantly Falling Meteors Road"? The Gulf coast didn't get it's nickname as an ironic reference to it's lack of hurricanes. People are starving to death and the American government is going to put tens of billions of dollars into rebuilding a city that is going to get leveled again in exactly the same way sometime in the next 50 years. This isn't the 1750's anymore, people don't have to live on the water, you can pipe it in from anywhere. Anyone who was living there when Katrina hit and is still living there when the next one flattens the place is getting zero sympathy from me.

Woman, 104, takes man, 33, as husband No. 21

"A 33-year-old man in northern Malaysia has married a 104-year-old woman, saying mutual respect and friendship had turned to love, a news report said Tuesday."

I've got nothing here. There's an Anna Nicole Smith joke to be made here and I just can't quite figure it out.
"Firebrand radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was charged Friday with fraudulently concealing information to obtain prescription drugs, but prosecutors will drop the charge after 18 months if Limbaugh remains in treatment for drug addiction, his lawyer said."
Let us take a look at some of the things this bloated blowhard and self appointed moral compass has said about drug users over the years.
"And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up."
And one of my personal favourites:
"Too many whites are getting away with drug use...Too many whites are getting away with drug sales...The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too."
You may have just surpassed our dear friend Val as the world's biggest hypocrite Rush. If these quotes accurately reflect your beliefs Rush, then why didn't you act like a man, admit your guilt and throw yourself at the mercy of the court? It sickens and disgusts me that someone like you who holds themselves up as a paragon of virtue that we should all aspire to be like, when revealed to be nothing more than a common drug addict, can get away without even admitting any guilt because of who you know and who you can write a cheque to.
"Keith Richards has been released from a New Zealand hospital where the Rolling Stones guitarist was admitted with a head injury after he reportedly fell out of a palm tree."
Why the fuck is Keith Richards climbing palm trees? Here's a tip Keith, if you want a coconut give one of the local kids a dollar, they'll probably follow you around all day supplying as many coconuts as you'd like.

2 comments:

Gwenhwyfar said...

I wish at least one news report would include why he was up in a tree... just one... because, man, that's funny.

Jason Doan said...

No shit...and you just know he is going to sue the place saying there wasn't a sign that specifically forbidding him from climbing the trees.